Recovery, Depression, Family, Church, Jesus

 

RECOVERY, DEPRESSION, CHURCH AND JESUS

dialog with author Merica Saint John on Amazon memoirs:

Merica Saint John says:

Paul Lennon,
Thanks for your post. I've heard and read some about Father Maciel and the Legion of Christ. What I read told about some of the trauma suffered by those who were in it. My depression very likely began in childhood due to a very strong pull to paganism in my family. Being farm people (and I only knew farm people then), family and neighbors lived in a closed cookie-cutter society where everyone looked alike and acted alike, or so it seemed to me as a child. While I yearned for a spiritual life connected to God, my parents were believers in Nature as theirs. This dichotomy caused me great confusion and sadness, as nothing was spelled out. We went to church on Sundays (Protestant country church) but I heard very little about Jesus and nothing about the Gospel. It wasn't until recently, after much research, that I discovered my parents' true belief system. It came as quite a shock to me. So, I suppose my depression was both endemic and environmental as a result of both my milieu and my circumstances. As a young adult I also re-enacted some ritualistic abuse done to me at an early age. Of course, I had no idea it had even happened, because my parents said it was all a dream if I brought it up. Invalidation of my perceptions in those first crucial five years of life led to a lifetime of questioning my perceptions and trying to sort out what was real and what was not. Today, I have a cohesive life story, but it's taken sixty years and more to form it. Thanks for writing. I commend you for writing your story. Memoirs like ours are a painful undertaking, but I've read many that have helped me get where I am: a woman beyond surviving, one who is more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus who loves me. I pray for the same for you.